I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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