the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
