one two three fourrrrnication!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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