K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
