Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
