Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
