I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
