What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
