so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
