sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
