What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
