i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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