he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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