I got chris browned last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
