i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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