Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
