I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
