Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
