omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I think i got beer on your cat.
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