Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
