Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
