How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
