Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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