I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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