It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
