My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
