i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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