i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
