drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The adults are the big ones right?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
