so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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