Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
