Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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