You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
