Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
