Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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