On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
