Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
