How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
