Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
