Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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