Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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