hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
