3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
