i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
