Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
