Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
