After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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