I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
