I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
