I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
